Time Wasting Strategies 101

There is nothing I hate more than wasting time.

Which is why it’s ironic that I waste so much time.

It’s actually ridiculous. I will literally attempt to conserve precious minutes by pre-selecting my outfit for the next day or line up my beauty products in the order that they will be used only to squander the time away in the morning by playing Sims Freeplay on my phone. Which, by the way, I can’t seem to find any workable cheats so I have to toil away (Or actually make my Sim serfs) in the gardens planting dumb vegetables so I have enough money to decorate one house while the rest of my Sims live on a grassy lot. If you have a good cheat, let me know.

Ahhhh! SEE! Even now…I just wasted space on this post and your time, as the reader, talking about Sims. Oh goodness.

Anyways, in an effort to accept the inevitable truth…that I, Vicki, am a terrible time waster. I’ve found some websites to help you waste your time too. That way we can all hug it out in group therapy in about 10 years about what terrible people we are.

Click the following links below and prepare to be sucked into a pool of time-wasting goodness:

(WARNING: Do not scroll further if you have a) an exam tomorrow b) a work presentation tomorrow or c) you are planning to attend a boring event tomorrow and will need all your willpower to stay awake, ie. Church, pseudo-academic lectures on the psycho-analysis of a yam’s biological reaction to a potato, Justin Bieber concerts, etc. )

 

1) Reddit: In case you’re not already familiar with this site, it is a classic found in every time-waster’s arsenal. Click if you dare.

Tip: Read the comments. They’re often the most entertaining part of the site.

 

2) Ellen Videos on Youtube: Seriously, not liking Ellen is like not liking Apple Pie. It makes you thoroughly un-American and prone to fits of realization that you are a terrible person that somehow does not like hilarious kids and cute doggies.

 

3) I Love You Like a Fat Lady Loves Apples: Da best. All you do is keep feeding a this lady apples. This is a good one if you’re just looking for a nice, short time-wasting break. I mean, let’s be real. If you already know she’s gonna eat them, the novelty wears off after a couple apples. (36 for me)

Tip: She does get fatter but after a while, for some reason she gets kicked in the back and the apples mysteriously fly out.

 

4) Justice League as…Toddlers!: A great cartoon strip created by Yale Stewart. The art is great and the storyline is cute. It’s a fun place to check out every so often.

Tip: The link above redirects to the first strip. Navigation arrows let you get all the way to the end (It’s currently ongoing).

 

5) Wikipedia: I know, I know. You’ve already heard of this site, but if you’re going to waste time it might as well be useful. Somewhat. For example, I now know the Ostrogoths fought in a war against Rome. Yay me! See. I’m already on the path towards enlightenment.

 

That’s enough time wasting for today. I’d love to hear about how you like to waste your time!

 

Peace. Love. And Coconuts.

–Vicki

 

 

 

 

New Beginnings

After many false starts. I’ve finally decided to get my ass in order and work on this blog.

Why a blog? Well I’m pretty bored is a good reason. Also, it’s a fun activity outside the hundrum of work. This site seems like  a good place as any to start.

Other reasons include:

1) WordPress is free (yay)

2) I’ve got a lot to say and no one seems to want to listen (Thanks mom—for the last time, no I don’t want to eat more vegetables. Are you even listening to my awesome commentary about the advantages of waxing versus shaving?)

3) I’m not a journal person. Believe me, I’ve tried. I want to be one. Really really badly. But seriously, writing to a book of empty pages that can’t talk back is pretty boring. At least on a blog I have the possibility of having someone shout random bits of abuse at me.

For now, I’m stuck in Shenzhen, China for the next half a year so I’m going to do my best to attempt to mildy enjoy or at least not outright despise this rather grimy and unattractive metropolis. (More on Shenzhen later)

In the meantime, I hope you all will find some laughs or at least some respite from boredom here. Cheers to random rants and face-palming acts of embarrassment.

Peace out.

—Vicki,

 

And I’m Proud to be an Americannnnn!

Possibly the cheesiest song ever, it nonetheless captures how I felt after going to the awesome Smithsonian American History Museum. I only saw a quarter of the museum in 3 1/2 hours (I only noticed an entire floor that I had missed during my visit as I was heading out) but I really enjoyed myself and felt significantly more intelligent/ patriotic afterwards (Not that those two things are always related as exemplified by many members in government around the globe).

First off, the exhibits are awesome. There are a ton of interactive displays and you can touch a lot of stuff. While I’m pretty sure those “touchy” exhibits were supposed to be for kids 5 and under, given my mental age I went ahead and participated in patting down gross, worn-down bison fur and random rocks. There was also a hilarious statue of George Washington in a Zeus-like pose, half-naked with a 8-pack a la Ryan Reynolds. Apparently the sculptor was shot down because the American public thought Washington looked, “inappropriately dressed.” Which honestly, for all of my appreciation of great abs…I have to agree. Greco-Roman inspiration or not, Washington looked like a P.I.M.P on botox. Not good for my third favorite president (Old Abe and Thomas Jefferson take 1 and 2).

The American flag that flew above Fort McHenry that inspired Francis Scott Key to pen, “The Star Spangled Banner” has its own section. It’s surprisingly huge and is displayed in a black/ blue light area, encased in a ton of glass. It seems like the lighting was to protect the banner from further deteriorating but honestly it turned a patriotic, teary moment into a sudden desire to participate in a European rave full of men named Jacques with deep v-neck shirts. Which was unfortunate.

I also saw some cool stuff–the Philadelphia, the first US gunboat that was dredged up and put into the museum in its entirety–as well as some puzzling crap–The Kennedys board game (Seriously?). Sadly, Dorthy’s shoes from The Wizard of Oz were not on display and there were a zillion people (Plus I was sick = super sniffly) packed into the museum for spring break so the experience did give me flashbacks to crowded street markets in China. Overall though, I know I’ll visit again to finish the rest of the exhibits so I’m none to worried.

The picture above is some statue in front of the museum. It looked artsy and made me feel intellectual so I posted it with this article. Yay me!

Put a Bird on It!

Bird-lovers don’t only hail from Portland. Actually, it seems like DC has some of the cutest looking birds around. Unlike the huge, scary-imma-peck-out-the-eyes-of-a-baby-bunny raven variety we have in Los Angeles or the overweight pigeons that can barely stay airborne, there are tons of plump birds with tiny legs of the Bambi variety here. While I definitely enjoy watching other members of the animal kingdom go about their business (There was definitely this one homo sapien carrying the most amazing purse with alarmingly tall stilts/pumps)…birds are awesome. They make dumb pets and screech a lot but they’re awesome to watch pecking away in their natural environment around trashcans in Dupont.

In conclusion…will I join the Audubon Society and take up a secondary career as a bird-watching enthusiast? Probably not. Will I continue to snap photos and coo at every red-breasted birdie that pops my way? Hell yes.

 

Take-off! DC Adventures Begin

Being a master of symbolism and just overall literary awesomeness, I chose this picture of a dragon kite flying above the National Mall in Washington, DC to act as a figurative embodiment of my journey to a new city. I like to think of myself as a “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” hi-ya! kind of person that is metaphorically ready to fly into the city and emerge from it with an awesome, fulfilling experience. (Insert inspirational and overused Robert Frost journey quote here)

In other words: I chose this picture because it was awesome and the colors are pretty.

Anyways, stay put and check back often for additional posts about more nonsense. Peace.

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.